Thursday, December 21, 2017
Thursday, December 14, 2017
- Thou shalt have no other gods before thyself
- Thou shalt not kill, or at least, if thou art going to kill, thou shall have a game of football with the thing thou is going to kill before thou properly finishest it off
- Thou shalt repeat the internal mantra " I hate this! It`s fucking great!" about the majority of life experiences.
- Thou shalt not drink the water put out for thee by thy humans. Thou shalt instead demand to drink the freshest water in Christendom straight from the tap, although if that is not forthcoming, thou shalt protest by drinking any old rainy algae-spattered crap thou might find in next door`s garden.
- Thou shalt ignore any toy thy human has bought for thee, especially the really expensive ones, but thou shalt dearly cherish the packaging of said toy, and have hours of fun with it.
- Thou shalt forget thy mother and father quite quickly when seperated from them, and if thou happens to see them again, thou shalt sniff their bottoms then hiss at them intimidatingly.
- Thou shalt snack voraciously, stealing at least one fish before the age of three, always remembering to leave something black and hard to remove behind after every meal, and getting irrationally excited when thy biscuit dispenser is topped up, even though thy new biscuits are just the same as those underneath.
- Thou shalt not commit adultery, except in a kind of "dry hum" way, with thy owner`s cleaniest knitwear and bedding.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour`s cardboard box.
- Thou shalt never forget the rule that thy affection towards thy human should rise and fall in direct proportion to the amount of miscellaneous crap stuck on thy fur at the time.
Tom Cox, The Good, The Bad and The Furry
Thursday, December 7, 2017
Life is like a game of Solitaire: if the cards fall in the right way and you play smart, you`re a winner. But if the cards simply do not cooperate and no matter what you do, you have to tell yourself that it was simply not meant to be, and move on.